Donuts... who knew?

This weekend I took the kids through Tim Horton's drive thru for breakfast. I ordered a hot sandwich.  With the meal, a Boston Cream donut came with it.  (So of course I had to take it, right?)  Instead of putting the donut in a separate bag, they put it on the bottom of the bag with the hot sandwich on top of it. What?! Come on! So naturally, the donut got squished and the chocolate melted. I was annoyed. I have this thing about bad customer service. If CS is not your gifting, you should find another job. It's not about quantity it's about quality. You may be able to get 18 cars through your drive thru in 5 minutes, but that's not impressive if you are skimping on quality. 

ANYWAY, that made me a little grumpy and I found myself snapping at my kids. I didn't yell or anything but I had a short temper and was treating them disrespectfully. That got me thinking about how often I take frustration about a situation out on the people in the closest proximity to me. It could be my kids, my spouse, or a person I am passing on the street. It doesn't matter. The fact is, I should control my emotions enough that it doesn't negatively affect those around me. I'm not saying shove everything down. Ask my husband. I am a COMMUNICATOR. But, if we let every frustrating thing that happens to us cause us to act differently, we need to evaluate that. 

I had to stop mid-sentence with my kids and apologize for the way I was acting. I told them about the donut and how it annoyed me but that it was no excuse for my behavior. They understood and accepted my apology. It was a great teachable moment. It was also a good moment for self-reflection (if there ever is a "good" moment for that... that's one of my least favorite things to do).  Who knew donuts could cause so handy?  I may need to eat more of them, ya know, to become a better person and all that...  *wink* 

I just want to encourage you to take some time and notice your behavior. I find that I'm often mistreating the people who mean most to me because something unexpected happened or something didn't go my way. It's not fair to them. What situations do you find make you grumpy?  

I read something a few years back that said to look at your face in the mirror when you're explaining or ranting about something. What do you see? The article said to recognize that's what others see, especially your children. I gave that a try... yikes!! I don't think I've perfected the "look" yet - I'm pretty much an open book. You can guess how I'm feeling by the look on my face. I have tried (and am still trying) to learn not to be so disrespectful or disapproving with my looks. It's HARD! 

How do you react to things? Does the atmosphere around you change when something happens that upsets you? Do you use any techniques to help tamper or control those reactions?

Thanks for stopping by,

Therapy

I have had a LONG week and it's only half over. Emma got the virus that Avery had the week before. It's been a tiring few weeks. I was in desperate need of some craft therapy. 

With a new project in mind, I headed to JoAnn's. I try not to go there often because I usually want to buy everything in the store. However, I have taught myself something over the years - actually, since I've married my husband - I don't buy anything unless I know exactly where it will go in my house and what I will use it for. How many times have you purchased something only to find it laying in the bottom of your closet three months later? I hate when that happens. So, I developed the strategy I mentioned above. It has helped me tremendously. 

Anyway, I digress. While I was mulling over which material I wanted for my project, I hear my girls call from the next isle over, "Mama, don't come over here." I would have been concerned about what they were doing but I was too preoccupied with my fabric to ask. (Mom of the year, huh?) When they finished whatever it was they were doing, they called me over and this is what I saw:

Forget craft therapy.  This hit the spot.  I heard some women from another isle say, "Oh, look what they did.  How cute."  I oohh'd and ahhh'd and then told them to clean it up, but not before snapping this picture.

That made my day.  I just wanted to share.

Has something happened over the past couple of weeks that just made your day?  Care to share?   

Thanks for stopping by,

        

Accountable Kids

Moms, do you sometimes feel like you are constantly on top of your kids, reminding them to pick up this or clean up that?  It seems like that is my life.  I clean one room only to have it messed up again five minutes later.  I find shoes, trash, books, toys, silly bands, you name it, I find it making a path on my floor.  All of that can make for one frustrated Mama.  And you know that terrible saying, "If Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy."  Well, sometimes that can be a sad truth in my house.  I get burned out.  I get tired of picking up after everyone.  Sometimes, Mama's not happy.    

SOOO, Hubby and I have been trying to figure out a way to teach our children how to be responsible without nagging them to get things done.  A few years ago at a home school conference, I came across this program called Accountable Kids.  

The basic concept of the AK program, as stated on the back of their book is, "a unique parenting program designed to teach accountability and responsibility in the home.  It is a back-to-basics system which includes essential parenting principles and concrete stepping stones that strengthen relationships and build a foundation for success. Children learn to balance choices and consequences in a fun, productive manner.  They experience the joy of being a vital, contributing member of the family and develop condfidence and self-worth.  The AK book and kit provide everything parents need to maximize efforts and bring structure and harmony into the home."  

 

It comes with all of the things you see in this picture.   

I like this method because our kids know exactly what's expected of them.  If they don't follow through with their chores and earn their ticket, they can't watch tv, play video games, or play with friends.  They are learning the difference between necessity and privilege.  Playing video games is a privilege that is earned.  My motto is, "If your work isn't done, you can't have fun."  When they don't take care of their responsibilities, their options are very limited for what they can do. They also enjoy earning their stars that lead up to a special date of their choice.  The rewards are earned at a good pace where the kids don't get discouraged because it's taking a month to earn something.  But, it's enough time that they are developing good behaviors and patterns.   

What chore/responsibility charts have been working for you?  How do you do incentives or rewards?  

Thanks for stopping by,

    

Back-to-School!

Well, it's official.  The kids are back in school and my life is slowly becoming my own again... at least until June of 2011.  Don't get me wrong, I am in LOVE with my children, I just can't seem to juggle children, laundry, meals, cleaning, and breathing all at the same time.  I am not the parent who stands at the bus stop on the first day of school, waving goodbye to the kids while holding back tears.  I am the parent who stands at the bus stop, smiling and waving, trying to hold back my screams of joy.  When the bus pulls away I run into the house, close the door, and I dance!  I reflect on all of the possibilities this year will hold.  Does that make me a bad Mama?  I don't know.  Everyone has their own way of coping, I guess.   

It's been a while since I've posted.  This summer has been insanely busy and went by in the blink of an eye.  Is it possible for children to grow up so much over night?  It seems like we are constantly buying new clothes because they've outgrown the ones they have.  Their feet are like weeds! We can barely keep them covered.  Flip flops are our saving grace during the summer.  They can slightly outgrow them, their feet hanging over the backs a little, but they can still wear them.  I wonder if they'd mind if I sent them to school this winter in flip flops.  Hmm.

It's not only their physical bodies that are growing but their minds are growing as well.  There are these things coming out of their mouths that amaze me....some good, some not so good.  I am daily reminded of the enormous responsibility I have as a parent to teach them how to live.  It would be nice if they came with an owners manual or pre-programmed to act and think the right way.  But they don't.  So, it is up to me to mold and shape their young minds...yikes!

There are three things that help me do this: 1. God.  He created their inmost beings.  I constantly look to Him for help.  2. Friends and Family.  I couldn't do this without their support.  3. Books!  I am a book junkie.  I actually think it's an obsession.  Half of the books I own I haven't read but somehow it makes me feel better just having them there.

I am currently reading a book that I want to share with you.  I'm not done with it yet but it's been great so far.  It's called "Say Goodbye to Whining and Complaining, and Bad Attitudes...in you and your kids!"  How's that for a title?  In a nutshell, this book is about teaching your children honor and getting to the heart of their bad behavior. Often times parents (and I've been guilty of this) look for their children to obey what they tell them to do and that's good enough.  However, there is usually a deeper heart issue attached to their behavior that often gets overlooked.  This book teaches you how to discover those heart issues and how to deal with them.  

In the back of the book there are 8 weeks of interactive family times with discussion, science-type experiments, and visual aids to help teach your kids about honor.  We've been doing this with our family and our girls love it!  I do too!  Not only do we get good family time, but we are all learning about honor.

What parenting books have you been reading that have really helped you in your journey?  Do you have a book list that you hope to get to sometime in the near future?  

Thanks for stopping by, 

Date With Mama

It's been a crazy couple of weeks.  Last week, my oldest daughter was sick.  She was home from school for 4 days, finally returning to school on Friday.  I thought we were in the clear, all sick-free.  But wouldn't you know it, on Wednesday afternoon my youngest daughter got a fever.  *sigh*  She has been home from school for two days.  It's now Friday evening and Hubby and I had to cancel our plans.  

Their sickness was interesting because they'd have a fever for a few hours, perk up and be happy for a few hours.  This has been the cycle for the past two weeks.  During those perky times, we'd spend lots of time laughing, making up stories, and snuggling.  It made me realize how little time I actually spend face-to-face with them.  I don't mean mindlessly listening as they tell a story from the day and coming up with a clever response to make them think you were listening when you were really going over your to-do list in your head.  I mean looking them in the eyes, conversing, engaging, laughing, being fully present.  

This realization made me sad.  I know I'm a good mom.  I take care of their needs.  They are loved and they know it.  But, do they really feel listened to?  Do they feel like I make them a priority when they're talking to me?  If my husband listened to me the way I sometimes listen to them, I'd be upset.  This got me thinking about my priorities and how I can do a better job of spending QUALITY time with my girls.  

The idea I had was taking them out on dates, one-on-one.  My girls are only 14 months apart so they often get lumped together in situations or activities. Since they both were sick at different times, I got to spend individual time with them. I was amazed at the difference of our time together without the other sister around.  They love each other and spend lots of time together, but they are still individuals and I think I don't always treat them as such.  

SO, with all of that being said, I want to share a list of date ideas I came up with:

1. Go on a picnic

2. Go to the zoo

3. Go to the park

4. Spend an afternoon snuggled up reading books

5. Create a story with your kids and make it into a book

6. Play dress-up

7. Fly a kite

8. Plant some flowers

9. Paint pottery

10. Do service projects together - teach them the importance of serving others

11. Wash your car - surprisingly, younger kids really enjoy this

12. Create a masterpiece on the sidewalk using sidewalk chalk

13. Go to an amusement park

14. Bake something

15. Go fishing

16. Make bubbles, go outside and blow them till your dizzy

17. Play hopscotch

18. Play board games

19. Play Barbies - be a kid again

20.Use finger paint and let your kids paint all over the shower wall.  When you're done just  wash 'em down.  My kids LOVED this when they were younger. 

21. Create an obstacle course in your backyard 

22. Create a treasure hunt around the neighborhood

23. Visit a farm

24. Go for a bike ride

25. Catch fireflies 

26. Count the stars

27. Have a family camp-out in the backyard

28. Give your kids a disposable camera and take them to a park to take pictures

29. Have a movie night with a picnic on the living room floor

30. Go to a coffee shop

31. Roast marshmallows in the fireplace

32. Make a scrapbook together

33. Make a tie-dyed tshirt

34. Make a volcano

35. You can do what this brave Mama is doing over at Like A Warm Cup of Coffee

I also want to note that when Daddy takes daughter on a date, it gives him the opportunity to teach his daughter how a man should treat her (ie. open doors for her, respecting her, listening to her, etc).  This will stick with daughter as she's choosing her dates and eventually, her husband.  Daddy has already set that bar high and she will expect nothing less (we hope and pray).  

All of these things are a great way to have fun with your kids, but remember, just sitting  with a glass of milk and talking to your kids is a great thing too! Never underestimate the power of talking to your children.  We have a small window where our kids think we're cool enough to hang out with.  Take advantage of it!  

Thanks for stopping by, 

      

Rocks and Cars Don't Mix

I'd like to say that I'm a cool, calm Mama.  The truth is, sometimes I lose my cool.  I react too quickly.  I'm not always patient.  And I'm often wishing I had handled a situation differently.  But I learned a good lesson this week, one that I want to share with you.  

Hubby was leaving for work the other day.  He kissed me, hugged the girls, and left.  Two minutes later, I get a text from him with pictures of some words carved into my car.  I assumed it was neighborhood kids, as we sometimes have issues with toilet papering, dog poop lit on fire, and food all over the outside of our house.  Yes, apparently people still light dog poop on fire.  At least I was smart enough to not step on the bag, thanks to a few movies I saw as a kid.  They were probably hiding behind a bush, laughing. But I was thinking, "Suckers.  You had touch dog poop, put it in a bad, and walk it down the street to pull this prank off."  It wouldn't have been worth it to me.  Come to think of it, I hope it was dog poop, because if it wasn't, I don't even want to think about the alternative.  But anyway, I digress.  Upon further inspection of the text, I realized the words read, "Love you.  Dinner."  Who would take the time to carve that into my car?  

I went outside to see if Hubby was still there.  He was, and he did not look happy.  I walked over to the car and looked at the damage.  Yikes.  It was much worse in person.  I was still confused, until my husband cleared it up for me.  He said, "I think E (our oldest daughter) did this."  I thought for a second and realized that yes, she did it the other night when I called them in for dinner.  She didn't do it out of anger.  She did it because 1. she was hungry and 2. she loves me (probably for finally getting dinner on the table).  My girls usually write on the car when it's frosted or dirty.  We've never had to tell them not to write on the car with rocks.  It never crossed my mind to teach them that.  

Hubby was mad and wanted to punish her.  He wanted her to know what she did was wrong.  I get that.    I was just having a hard time with that because I felt like she didn't know it was wrong.  I thought we could accomplish the same goal by simply talking it out with her.  I reminded him that we have to react appropriately, especially in these younger years, so that when she's older, she'll be able to talk to us about anything.  If she can't trust our reactions with the small things, why would she come to us with the big things.  Kids gauge our reactions and can determine early on if they can trust us or not.  Look at your facial expressions in the mirror and pretend to have a conversation with your children.  What does your face look like when you're upset with them?  That's what they see.  

Here's the lesson I learned about myself this weekend: I understood my husbands initial reaction.  Somehow, I'm pretty calm when the situations are more serious.  But I thought about what my reaction would have been if I had seen her with the rock in her hand, carving into my car.  I would have said, "E!  What are you doing?!  Why would you do that to my car?!"  I hate to admit it, but I wouldn't have been the most patient Mama at that point.  I need to chill out, take a step back, see things from her point of view, and not react so quickly.  That is going to take time and practice.  Maybe that will be my  next 30-Day Challenge *wink*

Here's why rocks and cars don't mix:

"Love You"

"Dinner"

Do you like Hubby's distorted body and small, Beetlejuice head?  

I apologize for the poor quality of the pics.  They were taken with an old cell phone.  I'll be taking the car in next week to see if it can be buffed out.  My heart says, "Yes, it can!"  But my mind says, "Don't be ridiculous.  Those scratches are too deep."  Only time (and money) will tell. 

Thanks for stopping by,

"Mommy, let go!"

Those were the words my youngest daughter said to me yesterday as we were continuing our journey of riding with no training wheels.  Hubby had spent an hour with the girls on Sunday, teaching them to ride without their training wheels.  They caught on pretty quick.  

Yesterday, as soon as they were off the bus, they were ready to get back at it.  Hubby was at work, so it was up to me to help our youngest master the bike.  She explained to me what Daddy did on Sunday, "He holds on to the handlebars.  When I'm ready for him to let go, I tell him to let go."  Ok, no big deal.  I can do this.  Besides, I don't really want to be running down the street attached to my daughter's bike.  So, I grabbed on to the handlebars, and off we went.  Only, when she told me to let go, I couldn't do it.  I could tell the bike wasn't steady, and I just had visions of her falling.  

Now I'm all about my kids falling, picking themselves back up, and trying again... in theory.  But in actuality, I don't like seeing them physically hurt.  I just couldn't let go!  She was becoming more frustrated, and I could tell that she really wanted me to let go.  So I took a deep breath, waited for the dreaded words, and I let go.  She peddled with everything in her, and off she went.  She was doing it!  

As I stood there in the middle of the street, watching her, I realized that this is something I'd have to do for the rest of my life.  I'd have to watch her fall, get back up, and try again.  I know in my head that this is healthy.  Some of the best lessons are learned by falling and getting back up.  But my heart was having a harder time getting the message.   

As parents, we sometimes want to make it all better for our kids.  We want them to have a cushy life, with minimal pain and frustration.  But the truth is, that is NOT real life.  Life has highs and lows.  If we don't teach our kids how to deal with both, they'll be lost.  They'll never know how to get back up and try again.  I want my kids to know how to do this.  It's important to find opportunities to teach them, especially when they're young and still listening to us, sometimes.  And, as I learned with this bike riding experience, it's not always going to be easy for me.  I'm going to want to hold on.  

Boy, who knew I could learn so much from watching my girls ride their bikes?  

I was so incredibly proud of her.  She had so much determination.  She was sweaty, frustrated, and falling, but she'd just pick up the bike, get back on, and try again.  By the end, she was zooming by me.  She called herself, "Miss Zoomy Pants."  

Here's a couple of pictures of Miss Zoomy Pants:

All by herself!

Later that night, we got together with some friends.  The girls were sharing their stories from the day.  The pride they had on their faces was priceless.  It was worth all of the sweat and fear.  

Figure out where you've been hanging on too tightly.  Watch for those teachable moments, you don't want to miss them.  

Oh.  Here's another thing she mastered later that night: 

The Armpit Fart.  *sigh*  

Never a dull moment.  I'm so proud. 

Thanks for stopping by,